


What Love Seeks

by LadyAllana



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Reunion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-10-16
Packaged: 2018-04-18 21:30:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4721123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAllana/pseuds/LadyAllana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>''Hyung did you hear me? I kissed him!''</p><p>It takes him longer than it should, which he should probably blame on Yoochun's cheap booze, to realize the person on the other side of the phone is not Junsu.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sending them away....I have a lot of thoughts in my head. Oh well...enjoy!

''I kissed him.''

 

Jaejoong is not sure if he is dreaming or not, but if he is it's not a very good one. A good dream is a trip to an ice cream shop, to Venice, to the warm place between Yoochun's thighs....

 

''Hyung did you hear me? I kissed him!''

 

Yes, this is not a dream. He has been woken up at, he checks the clock on the bedside one eye closed, 3.47am, by the loud ring tone and now even a louder, panicked voice is drilling into his brain. 

 

It takes him longer than it should, which he should probably blame on Yoochun's cheap booze, to realize the person on the other side of the phone is not Junsu.

 

Not Junsu.

 

Jaejoong sits up suddenly and the dark room spins. 

 

''Changmin ah?''

 

It has been more than two years since he had any contact with the boy he once saw as a little brother. Granted, he was the one who walked away but still he had never expected the boy to call him, much less at 3.48 in the morning.

 

''Hyung...I don't know what to do. I didn't know who to call.''

 

It's obvious Changmin is crying on the other side, his breath stuck in his throat and Jaejoong finds himself utterly helpless because he has no idea how to calm him down. 

 

''Is he there?''

 

''No, I...I left him in the studio.''

 

Studio? This late?

 

Oh...

 

It's Yunho they are talking about here.

 

''Send me your address Min ah.'' Jaejoong lets out a long breath.

 

''I'm coming.''

 

-

 

When he was talking with Yoochun in the morning he had no idea he would be here, in his car driving to the other side of Gangnam trying to keep his eyes open and hands from fidgeting.

 

Junsu has a performance in the afternoon and Yoochun is double booked with the movie and the drama so he can't possibly call them for help. A voice inside tells him he shouldn't anyway because he is the oldest and not having seen Changmin for so long doesn't change the fact that it was his responsibility to take care of all of them. Not being able to take Yunho and Changmin with him doesn't release him from this, if anything it adds guilt and makes everything infinitely more complicated.

 

Getting out of his apartment in a haste, he is dressed even worse than Yoochun on a good day. He threw a pink beanie – was it a gift? - over his greasy bleached hair and is wearing yesterdays jeans with the t shirt he slept in ... and he can't find it in himself to give a damn about it. 

 

Walking to Changmin's apartment block it is easy to guess tomorrows headlines if there is a paparazzi waiting nearby. Max's 4am Booty Call: Hero? He presses the buzzer and takes the huge sunglasses of his puffy red eyes.

 

Changmin buzzes him in.

 

The ride upstairs is hell. 

 

When the elevator door opens, he sees Changmin on the other side of the corridor, biting his lips like he always used to do. He is still wearing sweatpants and a wife beater, when did he get so ripped?, the sweat long cooled down and left his hair messy and this huge manly object infront of him looks like a six month old baby left alone and crying. 

 

It feels like he is not even in control of his own body, the next thing he knows he is cradling the younger man so tightly that it hurts his ribs even though he seems to big to be hugged anymore.

 

Leading him inside and locking the door Changmin's lip wobbles. ''Hyung...'' 

 

Changmin's house looks like he has finally achieved his dream of being finally free of all of the hyung's messes which is a direct contrast with the state he is in. 

 

Jaejoong makes him sit on the couch and drink a full glass of water.

 

“Tell me from the beginning.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually, this was supposed to be cute and happy.
> 
> But I'm never cute and happy...so...  
> I was going to write something dark and emotional here but my youtube playlist suddenly opened Purple Line ''I really wanna touch myself'' I can't! - Actually I first heard that studying in the library ( as you can see I'm a very responsible student) and it wasn't a pretty sight.-

Maybe, he was hallucinating.

 

It's entirely possible, Yunho thinks. They had been working non stop, he checks the clock on the wall, for the last 17 hours. It is no longer possible to feel his legs, so maybe the blood flow to his brain has been damaged as well.

 

And what was better to hallucinate then a sweaty, shirtless Changmin practically jumping him?

 

Well, maybe two sweaty, naked Changmins but Yunho isn't going there. 

 

He's sitting on the dirty practice room floor, feet naked and almost wet undershirt stuck to the cold mirror behind him. He doesn't know how long he spent staring at the clouds on the blue wall just touching his bleeding lip but he doesn't have the courage to get up.

 

He is so sore that standing up would mean getting help from the mirror behind him.

 

Yunho isn't ready to see himself on the mirror.

 

It was an hallucination, he tells himself over and over again, that's all.

 

**

 

''Changmin ah...''

 

Jaejoong looks at the boy -man? He was a man now- sitting in front of him. Though he hugged him earlier, he doesn't have the courage to sit next to him, too afraid that he wouldn't be welcome or maybe, just maybe he wouldn't be welcoming of him either.

 

Jaejoong doesn't think that would be possible in any universe, but fear is a scary thing, so is the lack of sleep mixed with an unhealthy amount of alcohol. 

 

''C'mon, you're the one who called me here...so talk.''

 

Changmin gives him a stare, a stare he saw on TV just before, full of anger and hate and something that just didn't suit right with the maknae he has known for years. 

 

But just as it comes, it goes, leaving his shoulders deflated and his breathing harsh. Tears were starting to appear in his eyes again. 

 

Slowly, Jaejoong put a hand on his shoulder.

 

''We were rehearsing, you know. Again, and again and again because it has to be perfect.''

 

When Changmin looks up to face him, Jaejoong can see his lips trembling.

 

He knows just how tired Changmin is, he has been there.

 

''But it's so hard. The song...the moves...the way he looks at me every. Single. Time.''

 

Jaejoong knows what that feels like as well. Your heart beating so fast because you can't get enough oxygen, every nerve ending on fire that the single touch is enough to set you off.

 

But where as Yoochun has always been calm and comforting, Yunho was full of energy and life that can't possibly be stopped by any of them. Jaejoong remembers hanging on for his dear life, trying so hard before deciding to set a path for himself.

 

He still wishes he could feel the sort of power Yunho has again.

 

But Jaejoong is not made for this, Jaejoong burns fast and burns the others around him. Jaejoong needs Yoochun and he needs Junsu to wrap around his heart, his soul to cool him down.

 

He never thought Yunho could burn Changmin.

 

He never thought Changmin would let his guard down at first place.

 

''You and Yoochun, never had any problems. But that's not us, we are not you. I'm not...He doesn't-''

 

Changmin just falls to him then and Jaejoong lets him stand there without touching, because it's not him that Changmin needs right now.

 

**

 

When Changmin is finally asleep on the couch, Jaejoong puts a blanket over his shoulders and goes to the kitchen, in search for something to make some soup with before he wakes up.

 

He thinks about calling Yunho, but Changmin's phone is password protected and the Changmin he knows never uses personal information. Yunho or at least Changmin's manager has to come here in the morning anyway, because even though Jaejoong is no longer allowed in the set, he knows Music Bank shooting is less then six hours away.

 

He takes out the onions and the kimchi from the fridge and goes in search for a pot.

 

**

Jaejoong leaves the apartment block, not long after the sun rises. He leaves behind a pot of hot chicken soup and a note addressing Changmin's manager about how hell is nearer then he thought, and he would be going there if Changmin isn't fed before he is dragged off to KBS.

 

He doesn't sign it, so maybe the manager will think he is Changmin's new girlfriend.

 

On his way to the studio, he sends Junsu a message afraid to wake him up before his alarm clock does.

 

_Coming with a friend today, find me seats.  
And oh, free your schedule, you're mine tonight._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see I'm having a serious problem with POV's, because my head is all over the place, sorry.

Waking up is a nightmare of it's own. It feels like someone is drilling from his one ear to reach the other. It feels like his legs and arms are on fire. He is pretty sure that's dried snout on his upper lip and his neck is bend in such a way that he has a pretty good shot at the 'You Who Came From The Stars' drama. No need for a makeup, here is an alien for you!

 

When Changmin finally drags himself up -actually falls to the floor and drags himself up holding on the couch- his manager is giving him the meanest stare he can muster.

 

Changmin has seen worse, but he is not about the comment on it with this zombie apocalypse going on inside his head.

 

''Apparently you have to eat this...or I'm gonna be the next dinner of a yakuza dog the next time your friend comes over.''

 

His voice is full of disapproval and at first Changmin doesn't understand.

 

Then he sees the soup and the rice on the table, put there with care and presumably still warm under the early morning light.

 

That's when he remembers.

 

A good actor could probably hide the look of horror on his face.

 

Yoochun could have.

 

Maybe.

 

Changmin on the otherhand, locks himself to the bathroom and pukes until he feels like passing out.

 

**

 

The manager still makes him eat before going to the hair salon anyway.

 

**

 

Getting ready is another nightmare. By the time they get to the salon and two make up artists and a stylist noona drags him to the nearest seat, he learns that Yunho is done already and he will meet with him at KBS. 

 

When he finally catches up with him five minutes before the rehearsal, Yunho refuses to speak a single word to him.

 

**

 

His manager gets two ticket to the studio, hyperventilating and half out of his mind, threatening to quit fourth time this year. Jaejoong knows he won't so it's OK. He gingerly takes the tickets out of his trembling hands and two black sweatshirts that smell like Yoochun's from the closet they keep for cardigans and scarves but always has basketball shorts and pj's and half empty tequila bottles. 

 

''Meet me out in the back.''

 

When he finally reaches to the secluded corner at the back of the KBS building where he and Yoochun had some really good times during Mirotic, Jaejoong finds Changmin sitting on the floor, hands holding his knees and black Beats headphones  
covering his ears.

 

_''I'm a fool who can't live without you what do you want me to do?''_

 

While Jaejoong fully agrees with the statement and Changmin's ever growing singing skills he's sure if he sings any louder cameras will start appearing on the windows above them.

 

He quickly covers his bright blonde hair with one of Yoochun's caps and makes sure his nape was covered by the sweatshirt, then quickly drags Changmin into the car, secretly happy that all the hours he spent at the gym are paying off.

 

''Hyungggg...'' Changmin says looking at him with bloodshot eyes, voice automatically still on tune with the song blasting from his headphones. ''Where are you taking me? Hyung?''

 

**

 

''Yunho went to the company without even asking me.'' Changmin whispers. The elderly lady sitting next to them dressed up to the nines hushes them. She gives them a look over, Jaejoong in his jeans and Changmin wearing some sort of silver shiny pants? Tights? Jaejoong doesn't judge, though he might laugh later on watching the reruns. 

 

Jaejoong in return offers her his best fall for me I'm a beautiful idol smile and she blushes like a thirteen year old girl.

 

''We're sorry Omonnim.''

 

''Kids these days.'' But she doesn't look angry anymore.

 

**

 

Oh fuck!

 

Junsu doesn't swear. Jaejoong does, Yoochun does it like a motherfuck but Junsu is nice, devoted, filial son who is the apple of his mothers eye and the beloved of his family and the proud father of his cats. He is kind and elegant.

 

But holy motherfucking....

 

''Hyung...what?''

 

Jaejoong just shrugs at him.

 

''He needed help Su ah, he is an idiot.''

 

Junsu would like to remind Jaejoong that aegyo only works with Yoochun and their army of fangirls but he keeps his mouth shut.

 

''Jaejoong hyung, half of the audience are fangirls.''

 

''So?''

 

''Fangirls with binoculars and HD cameras hyung!''

 

''Oh hush, isn't it like forbidden to publish photos from the theater? They would get sued. They would...they would be sent to prison!''

 

Breathe in, breathe out. 

 

He is not going to scream his lungs out because he has another performance tomorrow.

 

**

 

''I'm sure there are some willing to risk it after seeing...that!''

 

Junsu points a black nail polished finger at them. Make up still on, his jacket thrown over to the couch but his shirt shining under the bright lights of dressing room. 

 

Jaejoong looks at their twin sweatshirts, totally not appropriate for a musical, and he supposes for supporting a friend. He also notes that Junsu is avoiding looking at the youngest in the room and Changmin is currently inspecting the design on Junsu's shoelaces.

 

''I'm sure nobody saw Su ah, and the nice omonnim sitting next to us promised she won't tell.''

 

**

 

''Why am I even arguing with you?'' Junsu mutters. He takes a bunch of make up wipes and starts scrubbing his face off, solely focused on the mirror in front of him. If he is fast enough, maybe they won't see his fingers trembling.

 

''Just...let me get changed first ok? Then we can talk why he-'' he refuses to say Changmin's name, or perhaps can't. ''-is here.''

 

_And why he wasn't before._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Changmin was singing is called Severely. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZJnZD1UbA8 ) I have no idea if Changmin would know the lyrics or not, but I know when they were promoting, Homin watched their rehearsal multiple times so he knows the song.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm not making much sense and this is a bit stupid eh...I'm actually working on something else but its going really slow so I'm using this to clear my mind. Plus, it would be nice if I can write some stuff down before school starts again.
> 
> So, who is your bias? In DB5K? Do you prefer Homin or JYJ? I  
> I was undecided for a long time really...kind of leaning towards Yoochun? But then Junsu's EBS knocked me off my feet :D   
> Anyway, enjoy!

''Oh my God, I'm Junsu! I kissed his soul out of him, I'm a dementor!”

 

Changmin is sitting on the floor of Junsu's cat room, with possibly five cats on him, he is not sure because he can't really breathe right now. 

 

Junsu gives him an unimpressed look from where he is on the couch with Bakira in his lap. He changed into sweats and a wife beater when they came in ten minutes ago and offered Jaejoong some orage juice.

When he refused, he practically forced him to choke it down until Jaejoongs face became purple and tears came out of his eyes.

 

Now a healthier shade, he is trying to get one of the cats of him, but the animal is ignoring him better than a model noona once did at a fashion show. It had been hilarious, he remembers. So does the rest of the SM Town, forever.

 

“No, you're an idiot and it's Hyung to you.''

 

It's the first proper sentence Junsu has offered to Changmin, besides come in and make yourself at home. Changmin isn't sure how he is supposed to respond to him now. Calling him hyung feels weird, calling him not even more so. Surely he isn't going to use honorifics, but he feels the words get stuck in his throat just the same. And it's not just the roller coaster of the last two days.  
.

 

''Why did you bring him to my house Jae?''

 

''I told you...he needed help and also cats. Cats always help right? Look at them helping Changminnie!''

 

Junsu winces at the nickname and Bakira hisses at him. 

 

Tigger starts pawing at Changmin's chest.

 

Seeing Junsu up close reminds him of the last couple of days they spent at the dorms together, where Changmin did nothing but shout and Yunho and Jaechun couple did nothing but drink themselves to death. Junsu had been silent; brooding silent, crying silent and it made Changmin hate him. 

 

Hate him so suddenly with such force that when Junsu finally exploded after so long for whole world wide web to see, Changmin had relatiated. 

 

He feels guilty now. Looking at Junsu's still wet white hair and reddish eyes and the frown on his brow.

 

''I feel like Death...hyung. I feel like I was the last blow and I finally ruined him.''

 

His voice is small, Leo pats his leg with his front paws. 

 

Junsu's shoulders relax.

 

''I haven't been around you for years, Min. But that couldn't be further away from the truth.''

 

-

 

Yunho is looking at the newspaper in front of him, reading the same sentence for the twelfth time when his manager bursts through the front door of his house.

 

''Where the fuck is Changmin?!''

 

Yunho tries to hide the fact that he made him jump in his seat like a scared kitten.

 

''His manager doesn't know where he is, the company doesn't know where he is and now some stupid girl is on Twitter claiming he saw Max Changmin watching Musical Elisabeth with his stage pants on!

 

WHAT THE FUCK YUNHO?''

 

Yunho folds the newspaper and puts in on the corner of the table, just the way Changmin likes to find it even though they are not living together anymore. 

 

''How am I supposed to know hyung? You are the one who took me home, I've been here for hours.''

 

Managers words register a bit slow on his brain, only these last couple of days Yunho has finally realized what Jaejoong and Heechul and many others ranted on and on about him, yes he admits he can be a bit slow sometimes.

 

And his lack of understanding usually leads his whole life falling apart.

 

No big deal really.

 

''Did you just say Elisabeth?''

 

Manager hyung nods, getting a whole bottle of soju out of the fridge and tries to drink it in one shot.

 

''As in the musical Junsu is in?''

 

''Exactly the musical that boy is in.''

 

''Fuck.'' Yunho says.

 

''Yeah...fuck.''

 

Manager hyung opens another bottle, this time bringing two glasses with him.

 

**

Changmin is not answering his phone. 

 

Yunho calls him thirteen times in half an hour before he gathers up the courage to text Heechul hyung.

 

Send me his number.

 

Heechul answers before Yunho goes to the bathroom to pee, his text filled with evil emoticons and heart shaped 3's.

 

You owe me.

 

In addition to the creepy devil's tail, there are three numbers attached with a kiss.

 

-

 

Yoochun finally finds himself in his trailer, parked practically in the middle of nowhere. He has been phoneless for the last 48 hours and opening his phone is the first thing he does after getting rid of his soiled shirt and checking the bruises on his right rib. 

 

He is a bit surprised because normally Jaejoong is vocal, with his texts and his twitter updates and a video or two sent at night half drunk and a hundred percent adorable. Sometimes, when he knows Yoochun is really tired or when he is really horny Jae gets creative too.

 

So Yoochun has been expecting some sort of a treat for all his hard work in making the good name of JYJ.

 

He is a bit disappointed really, can use some cute (or naked) pics from his soulmate right now.

 

Or some painkillers.

 

Or both.

 

He sighs and puts the phone down, figuring Jae must be busy with a new song. 

 

Junsu is usually on radio silence when he is busy with his musicals so predictably there are no messages from him. 

 

He is just about to get out of his pants and catch some shut eye when his phone starts ringing.

 

It's a number he doesn't know so he doesn't answer.

 

But he phone keeps ringing. 

 

And ringing.

 

And ringing. 

 

He can't turn it off because what if Jae calls?

 

Just to shut them up Yoochun thinks.

 

''Look, I think you're calling the wrong number...''

 

''Yoochun ah- '' says the unmistakably familiar voice at the other end of the phone.

 

Yoochun feels his whole body freeze.

 

''Yunho Hyung.''


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a slow build up + we're yet to see any proper Homin or Jaechun. Sorry if I'm boring you :) I know I should be more focused on Homin but I'm watching Spy on the side.... Jae effect is not something one can escape from!

It's astonishing how easy they fall back to the old routine: Jaejoong sitting in the middle with a fruit bowl in his lap, watching Naruto reruns on tv. Junsu is already knocked off on his shoulder, mouth open and drooling with a puffball attached to his chest.

 

''How are you holding up?'' asks Jaejoong to Changmin. Junsu felt sorry for him and gave him a pair of sweatpants some hours ago, a pair so old that Changmin must have seen him wearing them before. Jaejoong hopes a familiar, old item makes him feel a bit better because he isn't sure if Junsu is willing to offer more for now.

 

Changmin's eyes are firmly glued to the screen, his mouth busy with a plum seed he is refusing to throw up.

 

Jaejoong makes him spit it in his palm as if Changmin is his baby niece.

 

It's still awkward between them, horribly so but right now Jaejoong doesn't feel like running away or laughing out loud or getting drunk, simply because Junsu's heavy white head on his sore shoulder is grounding him. He thinks before all this, Changmin had the same effect on him to some degree, a safe haven Jaejoong could burrow himself into and offer the same kind of protection in return.

 

Now, trying his best to accept Changmin with open arms and afraid that he has already started hoping to never let him go, Jaejoong finds himself at a loss. 

 

Unsure how welcome he really is.

 

When Changmin mirrors Junsu and puts his head on his shoulder, Jaejoong feels giddy with power.

 

''I miss him.''he whispers. Voice hoarse, Jaejoong distinctly remembers that Changmin has another performacne day after tomorrow and it's not a good sign, maybe he should brew him some ginger tea.

 

''I know what that feels like.'' He whispers back. 

 

Changmin takes the wet plum seed from his hand and starts playing with it, his body tense. He seems to be deciding whether to sit up or maybe get more comfortable on Jaejoong.

 

''Hyung... I don't know what to say, I'm not-''

 

You're not what? 

 

Jaejoong sometimes thinks he made Yoochun and Junsu follow him because he was too weak, maybe Yoochun and Junsu were strong enough to stand with Yunho and stay in the company. Maybe they wanted that too, like Changmin did.

 

Though he knows, mentally, they are better than OK now, he has spent too many sleepless nights watching Yoochun trash in their bed, wondering if he doomed his best friends to a songless and soundless future.

 

The guilt never really leaves him.

 

So he hides it. 

 

Hides it behind a teary smile.

 

''I'm talking about Yoochun you idiot, he is never home these days.''

 

He always forgets that its his members who can see behind the expensive shades and the thousand different façades.

 

Changmin's arm comes around his chest.

 

-

 

''Who died?''

 

Yunho is baffled for a moment, or maybe it's the remaining soju in his system. The shaking hands too, soju that's all. 

 

''What? No, no one. I mean...I can't reach Changmin.''

 

''So you decided you would call me? What do you think that I kidnapped him or something? Fuck you, I'm busy, OK? I need to go now.''

 

Yoochun's voice is ice cold and he's kind of been expecting it. How can he not when he knows Yoochun was the one there for Jaejoong and Junsu when he wasn't? He has always thought Jaejoong the strongest of them, the one who stood up to fight, the one who carried the other two with him.

 

But when all was said and done, it had always been Yoochun pulling Jaejoong up from where he had fallen and silently patched him up, every single time.

 

''They say...they say someone saw him today at the theater.''

 

He taps on the table, legs twitching with a rhythm memorized years ago in a dorm room smaller than his bathroom now, four more set of legs following his lead.

 

Yunho feels like crying.

 

He was so stupid.

 

He was always so stupid.

 

A lot of decision he had made back then, he has made his peace with. But this time, losing Changmin is not an option.

 

Not for Yunho.

 

''Shit.'' Yoochun whispers. He hears him sitting down, wherever he is. ''and I suppose you tried calling him? And Jae?''

 

''Obviously.''

 

A couple of seconds pass.

 

Maybe a minute.

 

''I can't be there until morning, I have a late night shoot.'' he sounds as troubled as Yunho feels.

 

''But I can give you Junsu's home adress.''

 

''How do you know they are there?''

 

Yoochun chuckles., it sound like crying.

 

-

 

''I'm sending Yunho your way.''

 

When Jaejoong finally remembers to check his phone, and sends a couple of adorable pictures of Junsu's cats to any social media site he can find, he finds a bunch of missed calls and a text from Yoochun to call him as soon as he can.

 

''Wha?''

 

He is in Junsu's ridiculous kitchen, trying to find a pot to make some ginger tea so that he can wake Changmin and Junsu up from where he left them on the couch and make sure their voices are in good condition tomorrow.

 

''Should be more careful JaeJae. I'm there early morning ok? You can tell me whats going on then.''

 

''It's soo stupid Chun ah..'' Jaejoong whines. ''they are going to fight I know it.''

 

''Dont worry Hyung I 'll protect you.''

 

Yoochun is laughing at him. So close yet so far away. There is no point in telling he misses him, it's something they never do. They do their best to support each other, and Junsu against the common belief, and sometimes supporting means keeping your mouth shut.

 

Besides Yoochun is going to skip the set in the morning anyway.

 

And its totally, like %90 percent not his fault.

 

''Oh my big, strong bodyguard...how would I ever survive without you?''


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are people who have lived together for years, no matter how bad it got afterwards. Lately Super Junior dorm is getting emptier and emptier and Ryeowook said that he is going to move out before Eunhae enlist, because he is too attached and has to let go now. Yes, they are all grown up men now but they spent a significant time of their lives side by side, I don't think you can ever get not used to it.

-

''Come in, they are sleeping.''

 

This is probably the first time they have seen each other without make up in the last couple of years, Yunho in need of a shave and Jaejoong with purple rings under his eyes that make him look like a baby panda. Yunho cringes when he looks at him, though Jaejoong seems used to the craziness of their situation by now. 

 

Jaejoong leads him to Junsu's living room without saying a word then leaves in the general direction of the corridor. The sight in front of him takes Yunho's breathe away.

 

He had witnessed how angry Changmin was, angry without really knowing why, angry because he stayed and angry because he didn't want to leave. He knew how many nights Changmin spent crying during their first comeback after the split. He knew exactly how hard it was for him after he talked about Junsu's tweets on air, talked about betrayal.

 

And then screamed to his pillow because he had no idea who the real betrayer was.

 

Now seeing him, half sprawled on Junsu and drooling, it makes his heart ache. 

 

He hadn't really known what he was expecting when he came here, but this wasn't it. 

 

Jaejoong comes back, with a cold glass of water in hand and offers it to Yunho.

 

Old habits die hard, Yunho supposes.

 

Jaejoong never really changes.

 

''I don't understand Yunho.'' he says, sitting on the floor by a wayward cats side. The cat allows her head to be scratched. 

 

''We thought...we thought you had confessed once he told us he was going to stay. I thought that's why he changed his mind.''

 

Yes, they were supposed to leave together once. Yunho remembers Changmin screaming at Jaejoongs face the last time they came face to face. The rest is a drunken blur but he know it was Kyuhyun and rest of the Super Junior who took care of Min while Leeteuk and Heechul tried to straighten him up.

 

He is not really proud of those days.

 

''You've loved him forever, possibly longer than I loved Yoochun. For God sake you thought you were a pedophile for liking an underage boy!''

 

Jaejoong's voice rises, an obvious sign he is too tired to have this conversation. The cat scatters away to an other room and Junsu mumbles something inaudible, tries to hug Changmin unconsciously.

 

''Things changed...after the split.'' Yunho whispers, pointing towards the two youngest, gesturing Jaejoong to keep his voice down. ''I was supposed to take care of him, but he was the one who took care of me.''

 

-

 

''And I...I thought I didn't have the right anymore. He was always with Kyuhyun and Minho...he didn't really need me, so I thought...

 

Why would he want a broken man?''

 

Jaejoong doesn't really have it in him to tell him that they were all broken, long before Jaejoong came to Yunho one early morning before dawn and said enough was enough.

 

Such was their job, whether they stayed or went away.

 

He looks at Yunho's tired face.

 

''You should sleep in the guest room tonight and talk with him in the morning. I 'll be in Junsu's room.''

 

He can wake Changmin up and tell them to get it done with, lock them together and kick Junsu out of his own home. But Jaejoong needs Yoochun for this, he has always needed him, very much more so in times of despair, like oxygen and water, like something he can't live without, without constant supply.

 

He doesn't think he'll be able to sleep tonight and he is pretty sure Yunho won't be able to either.

 

But he can't be in the same room as him right now.

 

He can't.

 

-

 

There is a keyboard by Junsu's bed. Jaejoong stands there shirtless, pretends not to listen Yunho washing up in the bathroom. His fingers go over the keys, memory of a song from the past stirs up, begs to be replayed in his head.

 

He doesn't turn on the keyboard.

 

Instead he buries his head in Junsu's pillow, breathes in the smell of his stupidly expensive shampoo and closes his eyes.

 

-

 

Yunho watches himself in the mirror, hair wet, hands shaking. Itching to be near Changmin when he knows he is less than fifteen steps away.

 

When he had driven up to the SM building after eating a cup ramen in the store two streets over Yunho had no idea he would be here a day later, in a house he has only seen pictures of, with two of his ...members? Friends? Brothers?

 

What is Jaejoong to him now but a distant memory?

 

What is Junsu but early Saturday games he doesn't miss?

 

Last nights memory though, is fresh in his head. It's what he needs to focun on right now. Changmin complaining and complaining until he whispered 'Stop.', ice cold and then when Yunho came closer to check his ankle was ok...

 

He shakes his head.

 

They will solve it in the morning, before the next broadcast.

 

It will be OK.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok ok I'm getting there!
> 
> I'm not really taking sides when it comes to Homin and JYJ because it takes courage to leave and it takes courage to stay. But I don't like SM, they haven't quite pissed me off as much as FNC yet but it's slowly reaching up to that point. (Also I hope SuJu Magic pic is a lame joke, or Hyukjae's wonderful design on Microsoft Paint as Heechul claimed, or I'm going to cry.)

Yoochun comes early morning. He knows the password so by the time Jaejoong wills himself to open his eyes, he has already snuggled behind him. His nose is dangerously close to Jaejoong's ear, it makes something inside tingle.

 

''Hi'' he whispers, voice throaty with one too many cigarettes.

 

''I saw Junsu and Changmin on top of each other on the couch.''

 

''Hmm...''

 

Jaejoong takes Yoochun's hand from where it's resting on his hip and presses a chaste kiss on his knuckles. Then sleepy he rearranges them so that Yoochun's arm is holding him tightly over the stomach.

 

They still have some time.

 

-

 

When they wake up they are a sight to be seen with flailing limbs. The moment Junsu hits the floor he comes eye to eye with Bakira, who is watching him from the doorway, obviously not approving of his actions. 

 

Junsu screeches like a girl and hold a pillow over his chest.

 

He isn't really proud of his reaction.

 

Yoochun looks at them amused, sipping what seems to be pitch black coffee. He is busy with his phone. Manager, director, Yoowhan, Candy Crush who knows.

 

''Good morning sunshine.'' he says in English. 

 

''Jae is making porridge.''

 

Jaejoong has his mama bear mode on.

 

Junsu is a bit slow in the morning really, but even he knows.

 

It's not something he does for Yoochun or even his precious maknaes.

 

Which means...

 

Which means its really Yunho standing in the doorway.

 

-

 

Jaejoong having squeezed himself between Yoochun and Junsu, the latter holding a large bowl in his hands, watches the scene in front of him.

 

Yunho and Changmin are sitting on the opposite sides of the table, not touching their food.

 

Yoochun can practically feel Jaejoong's impatience rolling off of him in waves. 

 

After seeing Yunho neither Junsu or Changmin had said a word, to him or to eachother.

 

Yoochun had offered a 'Whassup?'' and then proceeded to ask Junsu about his musical without waiting for an answer. Not a single person in the room had any idea how to act. Jaejoong was cooking like a grandma during Seolal, Yoochun was half snoozing on the armchair and Junsu spent almost half an hour whispering the lyrics of his musical just to shut them out.

 

Feeling that he couldn't take more of this, Jaejoong had made Yunho and Changmin sit and eat.

 

Except, they aren't doing anything.

 

At this rate, Yoochun is pretty sure Jae is going to be the first one to crack. 

 

-

 

''For fuck sake! I have to record today, he-'' He holds Yoochun's chin so that he can make sure the two are watching him, ''-is already late for his shoot and if you two are not in the company by next morning I'm pretty sure we are going to declare war against the North because no way in hell is SM going to announce they lost the remaining two members of DongBangShinki.''

Despite the frustration, his voice is deadly calm and Yoochun is silently laughing at him.

 

''Hyung...''

 

''That's right Changmin, I'm the hyung! I'm older than all of you and that idiot is no longer my leader so spill!''

 

Yunho leaves his empty fork on the table and glares at him.

 

But there is no heat in there, just cold acceptance.

 

Over the last couple of years, the pain of the moment has dulled enough that they can look at each other without the need of turning their heads away. Even though they are in the same living space right now, invading Junsu's privacy like they always did, they all know somethings have changed too much for them to back to what they were.

 

Jaejoong has long lost the respect he had for Yunho as a leader when the younger decided not to support him. Yunho for him, is no longer on the high pedestal he was before. 

 

That doesn't mean Jaejoong doesn't care for him.

 

Or the stupid maknae.

 

''We were practicing for the comeback...and I guess I pushed him too hard.'' Yunho says.

 

The anxiety in his voice is not remotely interesting and yet, Junsu lets out a long snort when he sees Changmin blush.

 

''I just wanted it, wanted us to be good enough. Not that Changmin isn't, I know how hard he works just as well as you do-''

 

He is getting defensive, its something he does when he panicks. When he doesn't know the possible outcomes of the situation he finds himself in.

 

Before, it would have been Jaejoong holding his hand under the table to calm him down and assure him its alright. After him, Jaejoong is sure Changmin has filled his position and more. But right now, Jaejoong far too estranged and Changmin the cause of his distress, Yunho is alone.

 

''I didn't know that I hurt him, I swear!''

 

Jaejoong looks at the panicked face of Yunho and Changmin trying to dissapear in his seat, eyes as sharp and calculating as they can be in early morning.

 

Huh...

 

He didn't know that either.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Ok so I don't really know much about tvxq practices but I know Kyuhyun worked his ass off after his accident, Heechul couldn't even walk and there is a vomiting blood vid on youtube somewhere thats horrifying to watch)

''Take off your shirt Min.''

 

Changmin refuses to look at him. His eyes are focused on Yunho, panicked. 

 

''No, I-'' 

 

He tries to reach for Yunho's arm, but dancers reflexes are much faster then a panicked boy's so by the time his hand finds where Yunho used to be, Yunho has already stood up and backed away.

 

''Take the fucking shirt off dongsaeng.''

 

Yoochun is no longer laughing, his voice a deep cold baritone. 

 

Junsu tries to speak but Jaejoong grabs his wrist, fingers like claws, tight enough to hurt.

 

In the end, Yoochun knows it's not him Changmin listens, but the cold dejected look in Yunho's eyes. He takes off his tshirt in one swift move and Yoochun thinks if he hadn't spent years sharing a dressing room, he wouldn't notice the stiffness of the movement. 

 

There is purple blue bruise on Changmin's rib.

 

Junsu lets out a strangled sound.

 

But Yoochun remembers.

 

He remembers the tears and the begging and the unrelenting managers. He remembers Changmin crying, Changmin crying for Kyuhyun, Changmin crying for him in the middle of an asthma attack, he remembers Yunho arguing, he remembers the fans and the chants...

 

It's OK. It's all going to be OK.

 

''I fell.'' Changmin says bringing him back to the moment.

 

''You fell when he hit you?'' asks voice high enough that the windows tremble. Jaejoong grabs Junsu's wrist even tighter. 

 

''I fell when he accidentally hit me and then I hit the mirror.''

 

Oh...

 

Ouch...

 

That must have hurt.

 

**

 

Jaejoong always had a love hate relationship with those wooden beasts attached to the mirrors in the practice rooms, so he knows what that feels like. 

 

He also knows what stretching yourself too much on them feels like too, but that's not the point here. 

 

The point is Yunho is an idiot.

 

And Changmin is not wiser.

 

Or maybe the point is stretching yourself too much, too far that whatever has managed to hold you so far breaks and suddenly you lose your grounding and your foundations and yourself all together.

 

There is no reason for him to panic. 

 

''You know what? We are out of here. We are gonna lock you in and if you scream his cats will eat you alive.

 

And if you don't finish your plates...

 

I will call your mothers.''

 

*

Outside Junsu looks at Yoochun, who has been absent from his life for quite some time since their hectic schedules started. He is already half wrapped in and under the poisonous vine they are used to calling hyung.

 

''So, will you finally come and watch my musical?''

 

Yoochun just resumes kissing Jaejoong, while fishing the car keys from his back pocket with clumsy, or not but Junsu refuses to think about it, fingers. 

 

''Guess not.'' he says, to no one in particular. 

 

By the time he gets into his own car he can see, even from the tinted windows, whats going on inside Jaejoong's car.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Thomas Merton; _Love seeks one thing only: the good of the one loved. It leaves all the other secondary effects to take care of themselves. Love, therefore, is its own reward._


End file.
